Raise your hand if you are glad 2020 is over! *Raises both hands* It’s true, just because 2020 is over, doesn’t mean everything magically gets better, but it gives us all the new start we so desperately need. Hopefully an optimistic start! I know 2020 has been hard on everyone, but it’s been a different kind of difficult for anyone parenting during a pandemic. I am trying to change my mindset about it and I hope this post helps you too.
Pre-pandemic I was actually contemplating having a second kid, things were getting easier with Taylen and I felt like maybe I could finally handle it. Taylen and I had a good routine and best friends that we got together with at least once a week, things were looking up. We were good about not watching very much TV, we always ate meals and snacks at the table, she ate most of what I put in front of her, she rarely threw fits, we went to the park regularly and got together with friends all the time. Practically over night, the life that she knew changed. Taylen and I were stuck at home, we couldn’t see her friends, restaurants were closed, parks were closed, even the small neighborhood playgrounds were closed.
That all made things at home challenging, she started throwing way more fits and in turn, I started throwing fits! I would have to put myself in time out to calm myself down. I remember hiding in the garage crying and texting my best friends because I was beyond frustrated and didn’t know what to do anymore. Evan started working from home for a bit, but he still went to the job site once or twice a week. To make things easier on us, we started letting her watch way more TV than she had ever watched before and we started letting her eat on the couch (not my choice and it drives me crazy, ha). We did whatever we could do to break up the day and keep her entertained. All this changed my tune about having another kid real fast!
Like I mentioned in my first blog post, we lost my grandpa to Covid in early April and after that, my mental health really started to suffer. I can’t tell you how many times I cried because Evan got to go to work while I had to stay home and deal with tantrums all day. My depression started creeping back. I was diagnosed with depression in junior high, so I know all the signs. My doctor increased my meds (I would love to get off the meds, but that project is for a different phase in life). I finally started to feel a little better. It was almost summer and the weather was getting nicer. Luckily, the parks opened back up and businesses started opening back up. I started to channel more energy into my blog and it felt like I was finally doing something for myself. We went on some trips and spent a lot of time outside, so things felt somewhat normal again!
Enter fall weather and the dread of fall and winter in the Pacific Northwest. I finally realized I had anxiety (not sure why it took me so long to realize that) and it was getting worse. Part of my anxiety was the fear of finally launching this blog. The rest was from the upcoming doom of winter during a pandemic. I had my first (and only thus far) anxiety attack, that’s when I finally took control. I reached out to a counselor and started seeing her every other week. This was the best decision I could’ve made for myself, I highly recommend it!
Diane, my counselor, has taught me so many tools to help me deal with being a parent, wife and just a human. There is so much mom-guilt, judging and shaming these days, mainly on social media and it isn’t helping anyone! Diane has taught me to:
- Stop comparing myself to others and re-examine my expectations for myself. Just because I see someone on social media doing laundry, making dinner, cleaning the house and meal prepping; doesn’t mean that I need to feel guilty about not doing all those things. Those people may have kids that are way easier than mine. I need to stop assuming and holding myself to that standard.
- Accomplishments can’t always be seen, like a clean house or dinner on the table. An accomplishment can be keeping my daughter fed and entertained. Therefore, I did accomplish something today, maybe it wasn’t a load of laundry, but we didn’t have any whining today!
- Take one day at a time and one step at a time. This is huge when it comes to anxiety.
- Stop using the word ‘should’. Stop telling myself, “I should clean the house today” or “I should go grocery shopping”. Instead tell myself, “I am going to clean the house today” and “I am going to go grocery shopping today.” This was something I have never thought of before and it has made a big difference.
One of my best friends told me about a parenting book that has helped her. It’s called How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. This book has been such a big help when it comes to reasoning and avoiding tantrums with my toddler. Everyone needs to read this book! Even if you don’t have kids, but you have grandkids, nieces, nephews, etc. There is also one for older kids How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.
A friend posted something on Instagram the other day and it really hit home for me. She said these days are precious. Even being stuck at home, this time with our kids is precious and we will never get it back. So try to enjoy it, I know, easier said than done. That is so true, as difficult as things might get, as much as you might want to pull your hair out at times, your kids will never be this age again. Dig yourself out of that hole, put on your big kid panties and seize the day with your kids. Also, remember that you are not the only one going through this. Everyone else is struggling too and talking to other parents or friends can really help. Ask for help if you need it. Ask family to watch your kiddos or hire someone (if everyone is comfortable with that). That way you can get a break every once in a while or get some alone time with your spouse. Lastly, think about talking to a counselor, I know it’s not everyone’s thing, but I truly believe it can help everyone! I’ll leave you with lyrics from a couple songs all parents need to hear right now.
Trace Adkins “You’re Gonna Miss This”
“You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days, hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times, so take a good look around
You may not know it now, but you’re gonna miss this”
Darius Rucker – “It Won’t Be Like This For Long”
“It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
So he’s trying to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
It won’t be like this for long”
Xoxo
-Jenn
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I really appreciate your honesty, openness and vulnerability. I know so many can relate- even those who are not moms. You are wise beyond your years. Best of luck with your blog. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback!